Comprehension and Confusion
by P3forlife
Summary: Seventeen year old Trinity visits the Oracle for the first time, confronting her past and learning about the future.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the Matrix.

Hey, everybody! This is my first Matrix fic/oneshot. Please feel free to mention anything you like. It would be great if you could tell me what I could improve on because I always want to improve my writing :) Some specific things include the pace of the story, whether I have enough description/action, whether the characters are realistic, or if it seems too similar to Neo's visit to the Oracle. Anyhow, enjoy!

**Comprehension and Confusion**

Seventeen-year-old Trinity slowly stepped into the Oracle's cozy, welcoming living room, absorbing what was around her.

"The Oracle will be with you shortly," the African girl who showed her the way in said. As Trinity had noticed, she was very graceful and well mannered, and wore a soft white dress matching her character. "Please have a seat," she said, motioning at the old-but-comfortable-looking couch against the wall. The girl left the room and headed down the hallway.

Trinity sat down at the edge of the sofa. She looked down at the clothes she was wearing: a pair of dark pants and a black tank top. Morpheus always seemed to have a thing for that colour. It also suited her personality quite well; not too revealing and a bit secretive. Her eyes scanned around the room. Definitely not what she expected from an Oracle. Then again, she was never the type to believe in prophecies or destiny. She imagined an eccentric lady with a crystal ball, living in a space cluttered of superstitious objects. The place she was in was quite the opposite: relaxing, homey, and neat. Any other person could have described it as "normal", which made her slightly uneasy.

What is "normal"? Or as Morpheus had put it, what is "real"? The thing that bothered her was that almost everything she used to believe was actually a lie. And now, she was back in the dream world. It was unusual that some place she attached to her past was where she would learn about her future. She wondered what the Oracle would tell her. According to Morpheus, she pretty much knew everything there was to know and could be trusted. Sometimes, she would deliver good news, other times, bad news. _At least the future can still be changed,_ she thought to herself. She looked out the apartment window and observed the tall, older buildings outside.

A few months ago, she was still here, living her life. She remembered what had become of it: First there was school, where she did the work as she was told to and earned good marks. She was not very social because she didn't open up to people that easily. But it didn't bother her because she liked being independent. At home, she took up _karate_ as a stress-reliever. Trinity found it helped her focus her emotions, which was exactly what she needed. In the evening, she would usually wander off to the computer lab, spending endless hours cracking codes, learning about the Matrix. She knew all along that discovering the Matrix was a distraction from her problem, but she persisted, determined to fight away her thoughts. Thinking about it would just make her emotional...

This was the one thing that leaving the dream world did not change. It still happened, no matter what "reality" was or what she discovered. _This is no time to think about it_, she told herself, pushing back the feelings of guilt. She hated how emotions could make her crumple and break down just when she didn't want to. But somehow, at the back of her head, she knew that it would soon be time to deal with them.

"The Oracle is ready to see you, Trinity," the girl announced, interrupting her thoughts. Trinity got up quickly and looked at the girl. She was unsure, nervous about what the Oracle would tell her. However, she told herself that she had to go and walked cautiously to where the girl was gesturing.

The seventeen-year-old ducked under the beaded curtain hanging from the doorway and found herself in a small, cheerful, kitchen, fitting in with the rest of the apartment. There were the essentials: a fridge, a small oven and stove, a counter with a pot of flowers, and a small table where the Oracle was sitting, sipping her tea. She seemed like a friendly African woman, both understanding and kind-hearted; her personality matched the atmosphere. Just as Trinity stepped in, the Oracle placed her cup back in the saucer expectantly and greeted in a warm tone, "Hello, Trinity. Come have a seat."

The girl walked over to the table hesitantly and sat down on a chair across from the lady. She did not know whether to feel comfortable or uneasy about the fact that she was here.

"My, my, look at you," the Oracle said smiling, "the first of Morpheus' crew. Must make him very proud that you have come so far long." She took a sip of her tea. "I know it isn't so easy to accept...coming back here again. Makes you wonder a lot of things, doesn't it? Like what about your past memories? Have they gone to waste?" She gave a questioning look at Trinity.

The girl did not want to say anything wrong as a bad impression. It felt like the Oracle was testing her. All she knew was that the answer was no. "I...I wouldn't be who I am now if it were not for my past experiences," she replied.

The woman nodded. "You're right to some degree, kiddo, but the real question is: Do _you_ know who you are?"

Trinity thought for a second, then gave a puzzled look.

"Ah. So you see, the Matrix cannot tell you who you are. People living in this world have always been searching for the answer, but I'm afraid they will never find it for themselves. Just something to think about." She took a sip from her teacup as the teenager was looking down, letting it all sink in.

"But I can tell something is bothering you about your past. I can see it. I think it's time that we get this out in the open." She looked at the girl seriously, but her voice was neither harsh nor bitter.

Trinity turned her head to the side and avoided the Oracle's eyes. She knew the answer. In fact, she knew it all this time, but she never admitted it to herself. _I don't want to face this_, she thought. This was the last thing she wanted to do: to sit there and just cry. She felt her eyes well up with tears...tears that she was trying to fight. She waited for a while, hoping to keep it together. "It's nothing," she replied with a shaky voice, denying it. "I can handle it myself." Already, she thought she was acting out of character; she just hated it when she was weak and miserable. This was not what she wanted. "I'm fine," she tried again, this time shakier.

"It's okay, Trinity. You can tell me and I promise you that nobody else will have to hear it," the Oracle said understandingly.

The girl felt a burden resting on her shoulders, becoming heavier the more she resisted. It was just too much. "It's just...it's just that..." she began, trying to find the right words. She knew she would have to tell her sooner or later. Finally, she finished, "...that I can never forgive myself because _I_ killed my parents. The fact that they died because of something _I_ did. And I _hate _myself for that." Several tears flowed down her reddish eyes as she turned away again, hoping to hide them. That was it. She did it and her body tensed as she waited for how the old lady would react.

But the Oracle had a concerned look on her face. "I know it isn't easy for you, kiddo. Some things just never turn out as we would like them to. You can't blame yourself."

The seventeen-year-old shook her head again. _It can't be_, she told herself. _How can it not be my fault?_ Images of the accident began replaying in her mind. How she had finished her driving lessons and asked her parents whether she could drive the car for family grocery shopping. How she saw the speeding car a split-second too late and watched it crash into hers, just like in a movie. How she woke up in the hospital two weeks later with a severe headache and scars on her body. How the nurse told her that her parents almost died instantaneously after the accident. She reached up and felt the side of her head where the aching was. _This is all because of me_, she thought. _I killed them, whether it was in a dream world or not._ She felt more tears coming down. "There's no way I can't be guilty," she said.

"Trinity," the old lady began, "I'm not going to sugarcoat this because I know you don't want me to. Sometimes, it's difficult to accept things that happened, but we have to let go. You're being too hard on yourself."

"I'm not," Trinity fought, wiping away the tears that were embarrassing her.

"Well, at some point, you will realize that you shouldn't get upset over this," the Oracle stated.

The teenager's memory jogged again. She did not know whether the Oracle was saying this just to make her feel better or if this was really going to happen. "I just can't help but think what if I had done something differently." She was more upset at herself than frustrated.

"Unfortunately, bad things happen to good people. That's how it is. As far as I'm concerned, you were absolutely capable of driving that car. But you can only do so much. See those orchids over there?" She pointed at the small pot of purple flowers next to the sink. "They may be at their healthiest, but if I don't water them and put them in the Sun, they die." The Oracle took another sip from her cup of tea. "I'm sorry that death had to hit you so early on, kid, but guilt cannot fix it. If anything, it makes it worse." She put the cup back in the saucer and paused. "It's difficult to accept, but although things could of been different, they happened the way they did."

This thought slightly comforted Trinity, but she still couldn't help feeling responsible. She wiped away some tears with the back of her hand. Both her eyes and nose were reddish now and she had given up trying to hide her silent crying. Some things were just so hard to accept...

The fortuneteller knew just that. "I'll make some special tea for you. It'll calm you down and let you think things through." She got out of her seat and went to the stove, where she let the kettle boil. During this time, she opened her cupboard and picked out some tealeaves from a jar.

The teenage girl sat there pensively. She always seemed to blame things on herself whenever they didn't turn out right, which was why she was ambitious. Maybe that was just who she was. _But why did it have to turn out like this? _she thought. It felt like yesterday that her parents were still alive and she was living her life in the Matrix. They were busy people and Trinity never saw them a lot. She never said she loved them very often, although now she wished she did. Sometimes she would even get upset at them, and then feel sorry afterwards. But she never truly realized how much they meant to her until they died. And to think that she even somewhat contributed to their passing just _hurt_. A sinking feeling weighed down her heart. Interrupted from her thoughts, she looked up and saw the Oracle lay a small teacup, a teapot, and a plate of brownies in front of her. She sat down and poured some tea into Trinity's teacup.

"This is my special tea blend," the old lady said. "I make it especially for times like these." She smiled. "Give it a try."

Trinity reached out her hand carefully and brought the cup to her lips. The tea was dark greenish in colour. Curious, she took a sip. The liquid burned her tongue at first, but when she swallowed, it was like a warm hug comforting her. Its taste was not too strong nor too weak, just perfect. "Thank you," she replied quietly but gratefully. She took another sip and put the teacup back into the saucer.

"Glad you liked it," the Oracle said. "It does what it's supposed to do." She paused and looked at the girl. "What were you thinking about?"

The main thought that came up was her parents and, despite having had some tea, the sinking feeling returned. "That I miss them," Trinity spoke in a distant voice, looking down at the table. "It hurts me that I had something to do with the accident. It's just that when the car was going to hit us, I froze and I didn't react. It was like I was watching it happen before my eyes. And it kills me to think that." She was less emotional now, but a few tears still fell from her eyes.

"You must have cared a lot about your parents," the Oracle commented.

Trinity thought for a moment. "I cared," she admitted, "but I never really appreciated them until after they passed away...when it was too late." This was another thing she was sorry for. It was ironic how one realized the things that mattered after they were taken away.

The Oracle leaned forward and clasped both hands on the table. She recognized that the teenager was burdening herself further and wanted to reassure her. "Let me tell you something, Trinity," she started, "I know your parents loved you more than anything else in this world. Had they survived, they would not put as much blame as you are putting on yourself now. They would want you to go on living your life. I think you need to know that, kiddo."

The girl looked at the Oracle's convincing and reassuring eyes. Deep down, under all of the guilt, she knew that what the Oracle said was true. Her parents loved her and that was what she needed reminding of. _They wouldn't want you to put yourself in this position, _she thought. Her parents knew she was often hard on herself, just that she could never see it that way until now. What the old lady said was true; her mother and father would want her to move on. She felt some of the weight lift off her shoulders. "Thank you," she said for the second time, a faint smile forming at the corners of her mouth for a moment.

The Oracle was pleased. "I knew it was what you needed to hear. Go on, have a bit more tea. It'll wash some of that guilt away."

Trinity took that suggestion and took a drink from her teacup. Like what the Oracle said, its warmth calmed her, drowning out some of the negative feelings.

"Now," the lady said, leaning back on her chair, "I'm sorry you had to go through all of these emotions. I know it will take a bit of time before you feel entirely better. Just don't be so hard on yourself, Trinity." The girl nodded understandingly. "Events always have a way of playing out," the lady said, picking up her own cup and heading over to the sink.

"What do you mean?" Trinity asked. She felt the Oracle was hinting at something again.

The old lady turned on the tap and rinsed out her cup, which she placed in the sink. Then, she walked back and sat down again. "Well, you already know that I can see into people's choices and what they can lead to. That is how I know a lot about everybody, even before the events take place. But what is more important is _when_ they make these choices and _that_ is an art in itself."

"Morpheus said something along those lines," Trinity commented, remembering the familiar words.

The Oracle smiled. "Then Morpheus is a wise man." She paused. "Of course, you know what else I told him when he visited me."

The teenager knew. Ever since she had found Morpheus, he had been busy looking for humans in the dream world who could join his crew. But what was really on his mind was searching for whom was called 'the One', the saviour of mankind and Zion. In fact, it was the Oracle herself who had prophesized it. Trinity never believed such a person existed. However, like everybody else, there was just a small hint of optimism at the back of her head. "You told him that he would find 'the One'," she replied.

"Bingo," the Oracle replied. "Then, in that case, who is 'the One' or who _will_ _be_ 'the One'? It's the question that preoccupies him and he's not going to let go until he finds this person."

"But what does that have to do with me?" Trinity asked, confused. So far, the conversation only seemed to revolve around Morpheus. Nevertheless, the Oracle had not made her point yet.

The old lady replied flat out, "It has everything to do with you." She paused and looked at the girl, who still did not understand. "You will fall in love, and that man you love will be 'the One'."

This statement made Trinity's heart skip a beat. She could not believe what she just heard. _Her? _Falling in love with 'the One'? It was like excitement and fear had hit her both at once. On one hand, who could not resist the thought? But on the other hand, she was scared about the feelings she would have. The way the Oracle had said it made it seem inevitable, like a dead end. Like whatever she would do would lead to this. It felt more like her downfall than anything else. She felt uneasy, yet by curiosity, a part of her still wanted to hear what else the lady would prophesize.

"There will come a time when there will seemingly be no hope. But he will want to do the impossible, and _you_ will help him when no one else can. Then in return, he will save your life."

Thoughts were racing across Trinity's head. She was trying to absorb what she was hearing, but she could not figure anything out. _You will help him when no one else can._ It did not make sense. What could she do that Morpheus could not? He was the real guide, the one with the most experience. "I...I don't understand," she said, a crease forming between her eyebrows.

"Given time, you will," the Oracle reassured her. "You will learn to believe and so will he. Only at that moment will he embrace his true gift. And you will determine whether that happens or not."

The girl felt overwhelmed. Not only was she confused, but she would also decide the fate of 'the One'? It was too much to take in. Her state of mind certainly was not helping her. She sat there, attempting to sort things out. It was all a blur...the guilt she put on herself over her parents...Morpheus...falling in love with 'the One'...helping him...

"I know it's a lot to think about, Trinity," the Oracle spoke genuinely. "I'm sorry if it's too much to handle, but you shouldn't worry about it so much now."

This statement seemed contradictory to everything the old lady had prophesized to her. It was almost impossible to just put everything aside like that. She stared at the Oracle in confusion, hoping to be reassured.

"You'll know when it's time to think about it." She rose from her chair. "Here," she said, handing over the plate of untouched chocolate cakes, "have a brownie before you go. Good for sweetening up the soul." She smiled.

Trinity stood up and grabbed a medium-sized treat for herself. It somewhat calmed her to know that she wasn't supposed to understand, but her mind was still tangled in knots.

"I know you don't believe me right now, but I promise you the brownie will do its job." Her voice was calming and authentic.

The girl looked at the brownie. It reminded her of the treats that grandmothers would give away to children; simple yet the best. Maybe it was just what she needed to feel better. "Thank you," she said, starting to believe the Oracle.

The fortuneteller was pleased. "No problem, kiddo. I will see you soon."

Trinity turned and walked out the kitchen. The seventeen-year-old had many questions left unanswered, but that confusion was now fading, like a memory in the distance. When she was in the hallway, she took a small bite of her brownie. It was just the right sweetness, enough to lift her spirits. When she finished eating it, she was already feeling much better.


End file.
